


This could be worse

by Thornrose270



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Monster Falls (Gravity Falls), Cervitaur Dipper Pines, Deer Dipper Pines, Deerper, Gargoyle Stan Pines, Gorgon Pacifica Northwest, Mermaid Mabel Pines, Werewolf Wendy Corduroy, Zombie Robbie Valentino
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23702251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thornrose270/pseuds/Thornrose270
Summary: While exploring the woods, Dipper trips and falls into a magic stream.My take on the Monster Falls AU.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 79





	1. Magic water and Go Fish

This could be worse. Oh, so much worse. He could have been transformed into something that couldn’t speak. Or he could have been transformed into something that couldn’t swim. Swimming had been very important about five minutes ago when Dipper had been knocked into that not-quite-a-river over there. The water had been clear enough to see the bottom, but when he had taken the unexpected dive into the water he’d been completely submerged before even hitting the rocks.

As things were now, Dipper lay on the bank of the body of water, gasping for breath. He squeezed his eyes shut and coughed up the last of the water in his lungs, propping himself up with shaking arms. His wet hair weighed on his head like a wet blanket, dripping onto the grass. Dipper took another deep breath to clear his head and shivered. He tried to roll over onto his back, but was met with resistance. His legs felt too heavy and bulky, but not just from the water. Something was wrong. 

He looked to where his legs should be, and felt a hole open up in his stomach. The sheer wrongness of everything he was seeing overwhelmed him. There were two, no, four spindly legs with knobbly knees and hooves on the end, and a cylindrical, mammalian body, brown with white spots. That was disturbing enough on its own, except for the fact that it was attached to him where his lower half should be.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” Dipper screamed. He scrambled in a vain attempt to get away from the foreign animal body, only for the animal legs to move, all four of them. It was the weirdest sensation, being able to feel things that weren’t there before. He screamed again and the skinny legs kicked some more. His mind started racing.

What happened to me? Dipper thought, where are my pants!? Why are my legs not my legs!? He closed his eyes and layed back down, taking some deep breaths. That extra body… Dipper recognized it. It was the body of a deer. A fawn, to be more specific. And for some reason, it was part of him. He could move the legs, feel the breeze through the short brown fur. He shivered again. I’ve gotta get out of the open, Dipper thought, I can worry about the rest later. 

“Wha- ow!” Dipper fell as soon as he tried to get up, right back onto his side. This might be a problem. Dipper again rose to his “feet,” this time he splayed all four of his spindly legs out like he was trying to imitate a spider. His balance didn’t last much longer than the first time. After spitting a few leaves out of his mouth, he was ready to try again. He tasted dirt. Again. This is much harder than it looks, thought Dipper, How on earth do deer walk on these things? He tried hopping back up to balance on his hooves, but his legs gave out from underneath him again. He was pretty sure he was going to be bruised into next week. He stayed where he was for a minute longer to catch his breath and look around.

It was like all the sounds in the woods had been amplified. The babbling brook and the wind through the trees echoed in Dipper’s ears. He found a tree not too far off and gritted his teeth. “Alright,” he said to himself, “I just have to get to that tree. Then I’ll rest.” He pulled himself up off the ground again, first onto his knees, then all the way to his hooves. But he was still so unstable! He hadn’t even made it three steps before falling down again.

What if I can’t do this? Dipper started to panic. What if I can’t walk and I get stuck out here like this? If there was anything he didn’t want to happen, that was it. The way-too-loud forest noises were starting to make him even more anxious. He tried to walk again, and again. He didn’t know how many tries it took him to get to the designated tree. Too many. He held onto its trunk for balance and tried to get a feel for his new weight on his new legs. Specifically his back legs. This still felt wrong, but he was getting used to it, which almost scared him more.

He picked out another tree and started working his way toward that one. He worked out a stepping pattern and had to keep his concentration in order for the right leg to move at the right time, all the while keeping his back straight so that he didn’t fall over again. He wasn’t perfect. When his hands and shoulders could take no more hard rocks and dirt, he made it to the next tree. Dipper continued onward using this pattern for a long time. Each time he felt like he was finally getting the hang of it, a pebble or a stick would come out of nowhere and mess him up again. His deer half was covered in dirt and leaves, but Dipper didn’t feel like trying to brush himself off. Just the thought of it made him shiver. He was still trying to figure out how this body was a part of him in the first place.

By the time Dipper made it to the clearing where the Mystery Shack stood, the sky was tinted orange. His stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast. He stood (much steadier now) at the edge of the clearing, with a hand against a tree for support. Just a little further. He told himself. His bruises and cuts screamed for attention, and his fur weighed on his body. Before he reached the stairs, he paused.

I can’t go in there like this! Dipper thought, looking at his tattered clothes and four-legged furry body. One of his back legs twitched. His ears picked up a new, very loud sound.

“DIPPER!” someone shouted. Dipper panicked. His brain screamed RUN! But his legs got tangled and instead his chin rammed into the ground.

“Ow…” Dipper groaned. The loud sound from earlier cut off, replaced with two sets of footsteps approaching from the right.

“DIPPER! Are you ok?!?” It was Mabel’s voice. Dipper groaned again. His chin really hurt. “Dipper? Is that really you?” Mabel waved a hand in front of his face.

“What happened to you man?” Oh no. That’s Wendy’s voice! Dipper pushed himself up onto his hands to look at them. Both of their jaws were hanging open, gazing at him with wide eyes.

“Wendy! This isn’t- I mean, You didn’t…” He gulped. “Yeah, it’s me.” his voice sounded smaller than he would have liked.

“You look terrible, dude.” Wendy said.

“We’ve been looking all over for you!” Mabel exclaimed.

“Sorry,” mumbled Dipper. He wished he could disappear. 

“Do you want help getting up?” Wendy asked. Dipper nodded miserably. Together, the girls helped him get back up on his wobbly legs.

“How did this happen?” Mabel asked. “Why are you part deer?”

“I wish I knew,” Dipper said, taking note of the fact that, thanks to his transformation, he was slightly taller than her. He’d already had a sneaking suspicion that he was taller while making his way through the forest earlier, but this confirmed it.

“Let’s get you fixed up,” Wendy said while they helped him up the stairs. “I’ll call Stan and let him know we found you.”

They entered the tv room and Dipper did his best to fold his legs underneath him comfortably. Mabel grabbed the first-aid kit and started patching up Dipper’s various cuts and scrapes. “How come you’re so beat up?” she asked.

“You try walking through the woods on hooves!” Dipper grumbled in response.

“This is so cool!” Mabel said, ignoring him and placing a hand on his furry back. Dipper flinched.

“Don’t do that!” 

“Aww, but you’re so soft!” Mabel said, running her fingers through his fur.

“Mabel!” She removed her hand from his back with a small pout.

“But you’re a deer, Dipper. You’re a Deerper! Eh? Eh?”

Dipper groaned. ”Mabel, seriously?!? Now is not the time.”

“Wendy, did you hear that?” Mabel said as Wendy walked into the room. “I came up with that!”

Wendy laughed. “I heard it. But maybe we should let Deerper have some space, like he said.” Dipper’s cheeks reddened. He stared at the floor. “It’s okay man,” Wendy said, “We’ll figure out what happened to you. I’m sure there’s a way to reverse it.”

“Why would we reverse it?” Mabel teased, “He’s even got adorable deer ears!”

“Ears!?” Dipper exclaimed, reaching up to feel them. His heart sank when he touched fur. He felt around at his large fluffy ears with his fingers, pulling them down as if maybe he could hide them in his hair.

“You didn’t notice the ears earlier?” Wendy asked. Dipper shook his head. It explained why he could hear so well now though. The ears were half the size of his head!

Just then, Grunkle Stan and Soos entered the room. “You found him?” Grunkle Stan asked Wendy before finally spotting Dipper. Dipper hid his face below the rim of his hat which (thankfully) was still in place. “Whoa, kid. You’re a deer.”

“I know,” Dipper grumbled.

“We’re calling him Deerper,” Mabel informed Grunkle Stan.

“No! Please do not call me Deerper,” begged Dipper.

“What were you doing when you turned into a deer?” Wendy asked.

“I’m not entirely a deer,” Dipper said defensively, gesturing to his remaining human half. Then he lowered his voice to a mumble. “I’m a cervitaur,” he said, remembering a certain half-deer race from a game he liked to play called Dungeons, Dungeons, and more Dungeons. 

“A what now?” Mabel asked.

“A cervitaur,” Dipper said a little louder.

“Well it doesn’t matter what you are, it matters how you got that way, and where you’ve been all day,” Grunkle Stan said. Dipper’s stomach growled.

“Umm can I have something to eat first?” Dipper asked. “Then I’ll tell you everything I know. Which isn’t much, to tell you the truth.”

“Good idea,” Mabel said, standing up. She ran to the kitchen, and everyone else trailed behind her. Dipper rose to his hooves, and trotted after Stan.

Soon the smell of pancakes filled the air and Dipper explained to the others about the creek he fell into and how when he climbed back out he had been turned into this. Everyone agreed that the creek had to have something to do with it and wanted to go investigate. Except for the fact that it was getting late and Wendy and Soos had to go home.

“Don’t go without me guys,” Wendy said before she left, “Dipper can tell us where the magic deer water is tomorrow morning.”

“If I can remember where it is,” Dipper murmured, too quiet for anyone to hear.

\---

The next morning, Dipper tried to blink the cobwebs out of his brain before he had to lead everyone through the woods to the magic creek. He had dark circles under his eyes and probably the worst bedhead in history. On top of that, he was still hungry. Breakfast hadn’t quite filled him up.

“So where to, deerper?” Mabel said, much to Dipper’s displeasure.

“I thought I told you not to call me that.”

“And I thought I told you not to leave without me!” Wendy said, walking up. Dipper fumbled, trying to fix his messy hair. It was difficult with the big, furry ears in the way. “Still walking on four legs, Dipper?” 

“I guess so,” Dipper said. He kicked at the ground with one of his front legs. Once everyone was ready to go, Dipper scanned the treeline for where he had emerged yesterday, and found what he was looking for. “That way,” he said, pointing, and Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy headed in the indicated direction. Dipper tried to retrace his steps from the day before, and he did, in fact, recognize some of the trees. They were a lot easier to get to today, now that he’d eaten something and practiced walking more. Although he did trip over a couple of branches along the way, much to his embarrassment.

It took longer than he would have liked to reach the creek, but they did get there. The water was just as glittery and serene as it was the last time he had been here. This time however, he could smell something off about the creek. It smelled odd, and sent a shiver down his spine. He suddenly couldn’t wait for them to leave.

“Wow! It’s all sparkly!” Mabel said, dashing over to the banks, her eyes shining as much as the water was.

“Hmm, that’s odd.” Wendy mumbled, also staring into the water.

“What Wendy? What’s odd?” Dipper moved closer to her, and the water, despite his instincts screaming at him to go in the opposite direction.

“This stream, there’s no life in it. There’s no fish, no frogs, not even any bugs or spiders.” Dipper looked closer and saw that she was right, there wasn’t even any plant life in the water, just smooth rocks.

Dipper pulled a thermos out of his backpack. “Mabel, go get a sample of the water so that we can get a closer look at it.”

“Okay,” Mabel said, taking the Thermos.

“And try not to touch the water!” he said.

“Dipper, why don’t you just do it? You’re already deer-ified.” Wendy said.

“Don’t worry, I got it,” Mabel said, bending down by the water’s edge to grab the sample.

The air became sharper, and Dipper could smell rain like he never had before. He backed slowly away from the glimmering stream. “Hey guys, it’s going to start raining soon.”

“You sure?” Wendy asked, peering at the sky.

“Just a second, I've almost got it-” Just then, a strong gust of wind swept through the clearing. Dipper and Wendy's hands flew to protect their hats. A flash of lightning split the sky, followed by a booming crash of thunder. Mabel overbalanced and tumbled into the water.

“MABEL!” Dipper and Wendy both shouted over the howling wind. Rain began pelting down on them. Wendy rushed to the water’s edge, looking for Mabel. Dipper tried to follow her, but he nearly overbalanced too. He spread out his legs, digging his hooves into the ground to keep from falling over in the wind.

“MABEL!” Wendy shouted again, running downstream. Dipper stayed planted where he was, letting the rain lash at his body and soak his shirt and fur. He watched as Wendy, without any other choice, jumped into the stream after Mabel. Dipper gulped, wondering if they had also turned into cervitaurs from jumping in. What if Mabel’s hit her head on one of the rocks? Dipper thought, his heart racing. What if they both drown? He couldn’t stand there any longer.

Dipper pulled his hooves out of the ground and literally bounded after Wendy, looking into the tumultuous water to try and spot her or Mabel. “MABEL? WENDY?” He shouted to the wind. He ran further downstream, pushed onward by adrenaline. And he was fast. So fast that he almost ran right past the red hair poking above the water.

Wendy surfaced and took a deep breath of air. She had Mabel with her! Dipper waved to them from the bank. Wendy spotted him and started swimming with all her might toward him. But something was wrong. Wendy didn’t look quite like Wendy anymore. She still had the same red hair, the same big, beautiful green eyes, but she had a long snout, sharp teeth, and fur almost the same color as her hair covering her face and arms.

“Dipper!” Wendy called out to him. Dipper’s heart beat even faster. Everything in his body screamed for him to run, but his brain won out.

“Wendy, i-is that you?” He called.

“Yeah, I’ve got Mabel, but she isn’t doing so great.”

Oh no, thought Dipper. What happened? Wendy and Mabel reached the bank and Wendy handed Dipper his sister. Dipper tried not to cringe when he touched Wendy’s wet, clawed hands.

Mabel’s sweater was soaked through, and her hair was dripping. But of course the same went for all of them. The worst part though, was Mabel’s lower half. She hadn’t turned into a cervitaur like Dipper had. Instead of legs, she had a scaly fish’s tail. She was a mermaid!

Dipper and Mabel had met a merman before, so they already knew they existed, but the fact that Mabel had become one was a completely different deal. Wendy waded the rest of the way out of the rushing water and grabbed Mabel’s limp body back from Dipper. “Is she okay?” Dipper asked, marveling at Wendy’s new height. Her clothes had torn some when she’d transformed, and underneath she was all fur.

“Just unconscious,” Wendy said, carrying Mabel easily. “Here.” She tossed Dipper something. It was the thermos!

“You got the sample?” Dipper asked.

“Mabel got it,” Wendy said. “Now let’s get out of this rain!”

“The shack is still a long way away,” Dipper said, just as another lightning flash lit up the forest. Dipper covered his ears the best he could when the thunder rumbled.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty fast,” Wendy said once the thunder was over. She flexed long furry legs that looked like they were built for speed.

“Are you kidding me?” Dipper shouted over the rain, “I’m still getting used to these legs!”

“Come on, man, I’ll race you,” Wendy said, then took off, bounding at an incredible speed through the trees.

“Wait!” Dipper called after her, struggling to keep up without tripping over his own legs. “Wendy!” He lost sight of her but kept running. When he reached the Mystery Shack, Mabel and Wendy were already inside. He trotted up the steps and heard yelling from inside. He dashed through the door to the den, where he saw Mabel on the floor, her face blue and gasping.

“Wendy! Put Mabel in the fish tank! She needs water!” he yelled. Thankfully, Wendy obeyed without question. Mabel’s eyes fluttered open with a gasp as Wendy dumped her into the tank.

“What….?” Mabel groaned. “What happened? Why is Wendy a wolf???”

“Because she rescued you from the magic stream,” Dipper said. Mabel’s eyes widened as she realized where she was. Her hands shot out to touch the glass. Her eyes trailed along her tail.

“Dipper! Dipper I’m a mermaid!”

“You noticed,” Dipper said in a tired voice.

“So, it turns out that the stream doesn’t only turn people into deer,” Wendy observed, “Who knew, right?”

“Yeah, it also turns them into werewolves and mermaids,” Dipper said, setting the thermos on the table.

“Alright,” Grunkle Stan grumbled, “Wendy, back to work.”

“But Stan-”

“No buts. You all can stop being counter productive and help rake in some real cash.” he said, and beckoned them all to follow him to the museum part of the shack. “Soos, you carry Mabel’s tank.”

“You got it Mr. Pines!”

Dipper had a sinking feeling in his gut as they followed Grunkle Stan, whatever he wanted all of them for would not be fun for him, of that he was certain.

“Well now, I can’t have a werewolf as a cashier, that would take away from the mystery of things. Wendy, you can stand over there. We’ve been missing a wolf themed attraction ever since Mabel shredded Dipper’s costume.”

“But-!” 

“I already said no buts, didn’t I? Go to your place, there’s a tour bus coming in a few hours we need to be ready for.”

“Grunkle Stan, if Wendy is going to be an attraction, who’s going to be the cashier?” Mabel asked. Wendy growled from her corner.

“Dipper, obviously. He’s the only one who can actually stand behind the counter, even if we will have to do something about those ears.” Stan said.

“What about me Mr. Pines?” Soos asked.

“Soos, do you even know how to work the cash register?” Wendy piped up from her corner. Soos bowed his head in defeat, hand on his hat.

“What am I going to be doing Grunkle Stan? It’s not like I can sweep the gift shop like this.” Mabel asked.

“Soos! Move Mabel’s tank over there, next to Wendy. It’s about time we upgraded our Mermaid exhibit.” He gestured to a monkey skeleton welded to a fish skeleton on a pedestal on the other side of the museum. Dipper groaned before moving behind the counter, pulling his ears under his hat.

“I’m still getting paid, right?” Wendy asked.

“Sure, yeah,” Stan said, rubbing his hands together.

“Oh! Oh! Am I getting paid Grunkle Stan?” water sloshed over the side of Mabel’s tank as she tried to bounce in her tank.

“Not anymore than usual, Soos! Mop that up.”

“You got it Mr. Pines!”

The rest of the day was a blur to Dipper. By the time the last tour bus left, he was dead on his feet- er, hooves. He stumbled out from behind the counter and made his way over to where Mabel and Wendy were playing Go Fish.

“Hey dude! How ya doing?” Wendy started dealing him in. Dipper stared dumbly at his hand, barely comprehending what he was seeing.

“Not great if I’m being honest.” His stomach gurgled in agreement. Mabel giggled, and Dipper offered her a small smile.

“So, got any twos?” she asked with fake suspicion.

“What? Oh, go fish.” Dipper said. Mabel made a grabbing motion with her hands, and Wendy handed her a card.

“It has been a rather crazy day, hasn’t it?” Wendy said, the fluorescent lights glinting off her new fangs. Dipper gulped, looking back down at his hand.

“Uh, Wendy?”

“Yeah?”

“You uh, got any tens?” Dipper asked. Wendy barked out a laugh before throwing two cards in his direction. “Mabel, do you have any tens?” Mabel only smirked before flicking water in his face.

“Fish for it, Deerper.” Dipper shot her a tiny glare before reaching for the draw pile.

“Oh, hey!” Dipper laid his new match of tens in front of him. “Wendy, do you have any sixes?”

“Go fish.” Dipper did not add another six to his hand. “Yo, Mabel, got any fours?” Wendy asked.

“Go fish!”Mabel donned an evil grin. “Hey Deerper!”

“Yeah?”

“Ya got any sixes?”

“Darn it!” he flicked the card at her tank. She giggled.

“Hey, you guys? What do you think I should tell my dad when I get home?” Wendy asked, her voice quieter than usual. She was staring in the vague direction of her home. Dipper and Mabel traded a look, and nodded.

He cleared his throat. “Hey, Wendy? You could stay here for the night-”

“YEAH! We could have a Monster sleepover!” Mabel pumped her fists in the air, splashing water over all three of them. 

“That sounds like a great idea Mabel!” said Wendy, shaking out her wet paws. Dipper chuckled as he wrung out his ears. 

“GRUNKLE STAN!! WENDY'S STAYING FOR DINNER!” Mabel called to their grunkle, who was somewhere in the den if his muffled reply was anything to go by. 

“Seriously, thanks guys.”

“Don’t mention it, Deerper, got any twos?”

“What? How’d you know!” Mabel had Wendy lay her new match in front of her tank. 

It was a close game, Dipper only lost to Mabel by one match, and Wendy was only a match behind him. Wendy called her dad to let him know she wouldn’t be coming home that night, and not to worry. After that, they got to work setting up the sleepover. Mabel had Soos raid the snack cupboard, and Dipper and Wendy started picking out movies.

The rain beat down on the windows, shaking the panes. Thunder crashed and lightning flashed, but the three new monsters slept soundly. Wendy on the sofa, Dipper in a nest of blankets on the floor, and Mabel in the aquarium. No one in the house could hear the rain. No one in town could hear the flood. No one knew what was about to happen.


	2. Panic and Serveys

Dipper awoke to a guttural roar. The sound shook the foundations and rattled the windows. Dipper’s instincts took over and he bolted, right into a wall.

“Ow…” he mumbled, his ears ringing.

“Dipper? Are you alright?” Wendy helped him to his hooves, inspecting him for any injuries. The roar sounded again, this time it was obvious that the sound was coming from inside the shack.

“What was that?” Mabel asked from the aquarium, her voice muffled.

“I dunno, but we’re gonna find out.” Wendy said, stalking towards the hallway.

“Um, I’m sorry Mabel, but I’m going to have to leave you here.” Dipper said, making his way after Wendy.

“Don’t worry about it bro bro!” She whisper-yelled after the two of them. 

Dipper found it surprisingly easy to be stealthy on his hooves, he had expected them to be noisy on the hardwood floor, but he was just as silent as Wendy on her paws. 

Dipper nearly crashed into Wendy’s tail when she stopped in the kitchen doorway, gaping at something Dipper couldn’t see.

“Stan? Is that you?” Wendy’s voice quavered a bit as she spoke. Dipper moved around her to see what she was looking at, and immediately got a noseful of a sickly familiar scent, the scent of the river. The smell alone would have been enough to make him bolt, but what really terrified him was the creature in the kitchen. It had stony gray skin, and huge intimidating wings, Its eyes glowed a sinister yellow that reflected off its long, sharp fangs. When Dipper tried to run however, he found Wendy blocking his path. His panic rose, he was trapped between two threats, no way out.

“Yeah, it’s me.” The creature grumbled. Dipper came back to himself as the words registered.

“Grunkle Stan?” He looked closer at the beast and noticed that he did in fact resemble his Grunkle too closely to be anyone else. “What happened to you? Why does this place smell like the river?”

“I couldn’t tell ya,” Stan said, raising a clawed hand to inspect it. “All I did was wash my hands, and now look at me!” Dipper inched his way into the kitchen, Ducking under his Grunkle’s new wings. He reached out and turned the faucet on, and was immediately hit with a wave of river scent.

“The magic river, it’s in the water.” He said, shutting off the flow. Both Wendy and Stan’s eyes widened. Dipper's heart beat faster in his chest.

“It’s in the water? But, what about the rest of the town?” Wendy realized.

“Wendy! go home right now, and warn them not to use the water, Dipper! Go out and warn the townsfolk.” Grunkle Stan ordered. Wendy gave him a salute and dashed back into the den for her phone, with Dipper on her heels.

Dipper ran for the town, the rising sun taunting him with the passage of time. Even before he left the cover of the trees, he heard screaming. Was it just his imagination, or were some of them not human? By the time Dipper arrived in the main part of Gravity Falls, the streets were filled with chaos. Monsters and humans ran and tripped over one another, panic clouding their eyes. Dipper skidded to a halt to avoid crashing into a terrible smelling, walking pile of straw.

“I’m a crowscare!” Mcgucket announced with a crazed grin.

“Aaaaahhhhh!” Dipper shouted, and skirted around the old man. He ran further into town and tried to warn the few people who were still fully human. “It’s in the water! Don’t touch the water!” No one seemed to have heard him over the ruckus. Dipper watched in horror as someone transformed into a lizard-man right before his eyes. "This is bad, I'm too late!" Dipper cried. He looked around helplessly at the chaos. The stench of the magic water hung in the air, nearly choking him.

Teeth and claws flashed across Dipper’s vision. He screamed again and bolted behind a nearby dumpster. His heart was pounding and his breathing came in short bursts.

“Dipper, dude, it’s just me,” Wendy said, poking her snout around the side of the dumpster.

“Wendy! I, uh…” Dipper said, scraping his hooves on the concrete and trying not to look at her fangs.

“Come on, there’s nothing we can do here anymore. Let’s go back to the shack and tell Stan what’s happened.”

“Right now?” Dipper asked, “But what about them?” He gestured to the mob of monsters running in the streets.

“Don’t worry about them, they’ll be fine… probably.” Wendy said, before bounding away through the mayhem. Dipper struggled to keep up, Wendy was already so good with her new legs, Dipper was both literally and metaphorically falling behind.

By the time the two of them reached the Mystery Shack, Dipper was exhausted, but Wendy looked like she was ready for a marathon. Dipper wondered how she could have so much energy.

“So? Did you warn them? What happened?” Grunkle Stan was standing on the porch of the Shack, his new wings hunched so they didn’t scratch the roof.

“We were too late. Everyone was already transformed!” Dipper said first.

“Same, I came home to a house full of half-bull half-man people.” Wendy said.

“Wait, manotaurs?” Dipper said, remembering his experience with the strange creatures.

“Whatever they were, they didn’t seem too bent out of shape about it,” Wendy shrugged, “they were just going about their day as usual.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Dipper said.

“Can’t say the same for the rest of the town, though,” Wendy continued.

“We’ve got to stop this, and fast,” Dipper agreed. “Where did we put the sample from the river?”

“It’s on the kitchen table,” Stan said.

Before anyone could say another word, Dipper dashed to the kitchen, nearly falling down again as he skittered to a stop. He grabbed the sample and was about to head back to the porch when Mabel shouted, “Dipper! What’s going on?”

Dipper poked his head into the den, where Mabel was flipping around restlessly in her aquarium. She said, “I hate being cooped up like this! What’s happening out there?”

“The whole town has been turned into monsters!” said Dipper, “But don’t worry, I’m going to try and find a cure.” not that I know how I’m going to do that just yet… he thought. 

He stepped out of the den again. “Wait!” Mabel called, “take me with you!” Dipper sighed and came back.

“Mabel, you can’t leave the water, you’ll suffocate,” Dipper said. Mabel furrowed her brows and tapped her fingers on the glass a few times. Dipper could almost see the moment the lightbulb went off in her head.

“Just do what we did with Mermando that one time! Put me in a cooler or something and I can go in the golf cart!”

“Mabel, we don’t even know what our next move is yet,” Dipper said, “plus, a cooler is way smaller than the aquarium, and I definitely can’t drive the golf cart like this.” Dipper gestured to his lower half.

“Maybe Wendy could still drive it,” Mabel suggested. “Come on, Dipper. I can’t stay in one place all day!”

“What’s taking so long, Dipper?” Grunkle Stan called from the porch.

“Mabel wants to come,” Dipper called back.

“Come where?” Said Soos, almost melting from the shadows.

“Aaah!” Dipper and Mabel yelled in unison. Dipper tripped over his own hooves and fell into Soos, literally into him, Dipper sank an inch or two into the cold, mushy substance that was Soos.

“Woah there dawg!” Soos grabbed Dipper’s shoulders and lifted him out his belly. Dipper gasped for breath.

“Soos… What are you?” Mabel asked, her eyes wide with wonder.

“Some kind of clay man, I think.” Soos said, poking at his gelatinous arms.

“Yeah, definitely clay.” Dipper said, wiping bits of Soos off his face. Mabel flicked her tail, splashing water onto Dipper in an attempt to help.

“How are we going to reverse it?” Mabel asked him.

“I’m not exactly sure yet,” Dipper admitted, “But I’ll figure something out.”

Mabel frowned, “What? How long is that going to take?”

Dipper held up the thermos. “Don’t worry Mabel, I promise you won’t have to be stuck in that tank much longer.” He headed back outside where Grunkle Stan and Wendy still were. Soos followed close behind.

“Poor Mabel,” Wendy said, shaking her head, “Whoa, Soos, you too?”

“I don’t really feel different,” Soos said, poking at his face. “It’s like, soothing, kind of.”

“Dipper, what are you going to do with that sample?” Wendy asked, changing the subject.

“Study it, I guess,” Dipper said. “If we can figure out how it works, maybe we’ll know how to reverse it. For example, maybe we just have to go in the water again, or maybe there’s another magic river somewhere that turns things human?”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Try it,” Wendy said, “Pour a bit on your hand or something and see if something happens.” Dipper opened the thermos and did what she said. The sample water shimmered in the light, but other than that it looked like just regular water. Dipper was sure to only use a little bit. He flinched when the cold water touched his skin. The group listened to the drip drip and stared at Dipper’s hand for several moments, but nothing happened.

“Maybe you need more?” Soos suggested.

“What I’m wondering is how we all touched the same water, and turned into different things,” Grunkle Stan observed, “I mean look at us! We’re a walking freakshow!”

“This whole town’s a walking freakshow now,” Wendy said.

“The town!” Dipper exclaimed, and the others all turned to look at him. “Everyone else in the town turned into different monsters! Maybe we could find a pattern somewhere that would give us a clue.”

“Good thinking,” Wendy grinned, showing off her pointy teeth. “An investigation!”

“So, we’re going to be interviewing people? What are we looking for?” Soos said.

Anything that could be a pattern.” Dipper said, beginning to pace.“We need to ask a predetermined set of questions, and record the answers. We can find patterns from there.”

“What kind of questions are we gonna ask? Where would the pattern even be?” Wendy said, a paw on her chin.

“That’s the problem! It could be anywhere!” Dipper said.

“That just means we can ask any questions we want.” Wendy said, shrugging.

“I guess.” Dipper said.

“Dipper! I’m hungry!” Mabel yelled from inside. Dipper realized none of them had eaten breakfast yet, with the possible exception of Soos.

“We can work out everything after pancakes.” Stan declared before stomping into the shack. Wendy whooped and pumped a fist, following closely behind. Dipper sighed, and he and Soos trailed after the two of them.

“Hey bro!” Mabel called. “I’m kinda bored, just floating here. Do ya think you can get me some of my knitting stuff?”

“I’ll get it.” Wendy said, before dashing up the stairs. Dipper sighed a little in relief. He had not yet tried that many stairs with his hooves, and wasn’t looking forward to it. He made his way over to Mabel’s tank, and sat at the base. Dipper glared at the water sample, as if that would give him any answers. He had said that he would find a cure, but he had no clue where to start! He might know something if he had a microscope, but he didn’t have one, and even in this situation Grunkle Stan was unlikely to splurge on something like that. Maybe the journal would know something.

Twenty minutes later Stan entered the living room to find Wendy trying to use the remote with her paws, Soos trying not to drip everywhere, Mabel trying to keep her knitting from getting wet, and Dipper trying to refrain from throwing the journal and water sample across the room in frustration. Everyone’s heads snapped to attention at the sudden increase of pancake smell in the room. He passed out the plates to eager hands (And paws and clay appendages).

Dipper began stuffing his face as soon as he received his plate. He hadn’t had time to realize how hungry he was with all the commotion, but was sharply reminded during the actual wait for the food.

“Done!” Dipper and Mabel said in unison, looking over at each other’s empty plates.

“A tie then!” Soos said, hefting his own newly empty plate. Dipper glanced over to Wendy and Stan to see their pancake progress, and was confused by their nearly untouched plates.

“Wendy? You ok?” Mabel asked, brow furrowed. She had noticed too. Come to think of it, Wendy hadn’t eaten much of dinner last night either.

“I dunno man, the pancakes just aren’t doing it for me.” Wendy shrugged. Grunkle Stan nodded in agreement. Dipper facepalmed.

“Of course! Wolves are carnivores, you need meat, not pancakes!” Dipper said.

Wendy blinked. “Wow. yeah, we should have realized that sooner.” She said.

“What about me?” Grunkle Stan said, setting down his plate.

“I don’t know, actually. But based on your fangs, you’re also probably a carnivore.” Dipper said, rising to his hooves.

“So while you and Wendy are out interviewing people, or whatever you were planning to do, I’ll run to the store and stock up on meat.” Stan grimaced. That much meat was not going to be cheap, especially if he was buying for Wendy too.

“Hey Dipper, you got that Predetermined list of questions yet?” Wendy smirked.

“Um, yeah, I do, hang on a sec.” Dipper reached into his vest and pulled out a long piece of paper. He had started working on the list after it became obvious that the journal knew nothing about the mysterious river.

“You sure you need a list that long Deerp dop?” Mabel said.

“Are you going to modify every one of your names for me?” Dipper said. Mabel smirked in reply. Dipper sighed in resignation.

“Mabel does have a point though, I’m not sure how many people would agree to answer a survey that long right now.” Wendy said, eyebrow raised at the list in Dipper’s hands.

“I know I wouldn’t.” Grunkle Stan grumbled.

“Ok, fine.” Dipper said before ripping the list in half. He discarded the bottom half next to Mabel’s tank, and handed the top half to Wendy. She nodded in appreciation.

“Okay, looks good. We should head out, c’mon.” Wendy said, heading for the door.

“Bye Mabel, I’ll show you the results when we get back, you can help me look for patterns!” Dipper said, heading out after Wendy. He didn’t have to see Mabel’s pout to know she wasn’t happy. He also knew that if he had stayed any longer, she would have guilt tripped him into some crazy contraption or other for her to come which would ultimately end in failure. He didn’t look back.

Wendy was waiting for him at the mouth of the road. For the second time that day, the two made their way into the chaos that was the town. Things had calmed down slightly since they had been there last. Slightly.

“So. Where to first?” Dipper looked up at Wendy.

“Hmmm. How about the Valentino house?” Dipper made a face.

“Robbie? Why?” He asked.

Wendy shrugged. “It’s a place to start isn’t it? Plus, I want to see what he turned into.” She said with a smirk.

The walk to the Valentino residence was more perilous than it should have been. Many people were still panicking, and with their new forms, it made for some crazy obstacles. Dipper and Wendy arrived slightly winded. They took a moment to catch their breath before ringing the doorbell. The door was opened by a decaying corpse. Dipper and Wendy screamed. Wendy’s fur stood on end and she raised her claws defensively. Dipper backed up and covered his nose with his hands. It took all of his self control not to run, He knew they were probably normal, but all of his instincts were telling him that he should not be hanging around dead things, and boy, did this person smell very dead.

The corpse blinked at them with solid glowing eyes, recognition flashing through it’s desiccated face. “Wendy? Dipper?” It’s voice, while hoarse, was familiar.

Wendy lowered her claws. “Robbie? Is that you?” she asked.

“Yeah it’s me. What are you guys doing here?” Robbie said. He stepped out onto the porch and closed the door. Dipper gagged and backed up a few more steps. The smell of rot was overwhelming. It was one of the most intense smells Dipper had ever smelled. Though, all smells recently were intense. He looked over to Wendy to see how she was handling the stench. Her nose was wrinkled, but she otherwise didn’t seem all that bothered. He wondered just how strong a deer’s sense of smell is, he doesn’t know very much about deer, but maybe he should.

“We were going to interview people to see if there's some sort of pattern between transformations, ya know, to find a cure or something.” Wendy said. She swallowed a gag close to the end of her sentence, so she was bothered by the smell.

“Oh, well, OK. do you want me to bring my parents out here, or?” Robbie said, gesturing toward the door.

“Yes please.” Dipper said around his hands. Robbie shot him a small glare before turning back to the house. He returned a short while later with two other zombies. Dipper wasn’t sure if his nose could handle this.

“Zombies, fitting for a mortician family.” Wendy said as they walked away from the house a while later.

“Yeah.” Dipper said. He took a deep breath of the clean forest air. “Hey Wendy?”

“Yeah?”

“Zombies are dead. Do you think the river killed them?” Wendy stopped walking. 

“I dunno. Maybe.” she said. Her voice was casual, but it was forced. It obviously wasn’t something she wanted to think about. Dipper didn’t want to think about it either, honestly. 

Dipper and Wendy came to a stop in front of the Northwest manor gates. They had spent the last few hours interviewing anyone they could, and had ended up here. Dipper didn’t know why they had even climbed the massive hill to get here anyway. He supposed they were valuable data points as well, but it wasn’t going to make the coming interaction any less excruciating. Wendy sighed and rang the immense doorbell. The gates swung open.

Standing there in front of them, was a small man with pointy ears, and a pointed face. “What is your business with the northwest estate?” The man spoke. Dipper blinked down at him. The man smelled sweet, almost.

“Um, we’re here to interview anyone here about their transformations, we’re trying to find a pattern.” Dipper said. He could hear Wendy nodding in agreement behind him. Wait…

The small man glanced back behind the gate nervously. “Ah, The Northwests are… occupied at the moment, I’m afraid you’ll have to return at a later date.” and with that, he slammed the gates in their faces.

“Rude much?” Wendy growled. Dipper sighed and tugged on one of his ears. The visit had honestly gone much better than he ever could have hoped, this way he didn’t have to put up with Pacifica, and they could go home early.

“Nothing we can do about it, cmon, we should go.” Dipper said, already turning to walk back down the absurdly long driveway. Wendy sighed and began following.

“Did you find anything?” Mabel asked as soon as Dipper and Wendy returned to the shack.

“Well, we got a lot of information-” Wendy started.

“But no pattern!” Dipper threw his hands up in frustration. Mabel’s face fell.

“I thought you said I could help you with finding a pattern?” She pouted.

“That was the plan, but it’s just so obvious none of this is connected looking would be pointless.” Dipper sighed.

“Well, can you at least tell me what everyone turned into?” She asked.

“Oh sure! Let’s see, Robbie is a zombie, so is the rest of his family, Lazy Susan is a cyclops, Grenda is an octopus mermaid, and I’m not sure what Candy was..” Wendy listed.

“Candy is a kappa, from Japanese mythology.” Dipper said.

“Grenda is an octopus mermaid? We can go swimming together!” Mabel squealed, then her smile shrank again. “Wait, but we wouldn’t want to leave Candy out!”

“Don’t worry Mabel, kappas are aquatic too, all three of you can go swimming.” Dipper said. Mabel squealed again.

Dipper heard Stan start to clunk his way through the shack towards them, and turned to see him walk into the room. “Anyone hungry?” He said, hefting several grocery bags. Dipper could smell many scents from the bags, including several kinds of raw meat and something mouthwatering he was pretty sure was raspberries.

“Yes.” Wendy breathed, staring at the bags. Stan chuckled and cut across the room to the kitchen. Dipper could smell when Stan took the assorted meats out of their packaging, he was fairly sure Wendy was physically restraining herself from dashing into the kitchen right that moment. He could also smell when Stan started grilling only some of the meat, the beef if Dipper had to guess.

Stan walked back into the room with four plates balanced on his arms. Two of them had nothing but raw meat, one of them had steak, and one of them was full of fruit. He gave the steak to Mabel, the fruit to Dipper, and split the other two between himself and Wendy. Wendy didn’t bother with manners and dug right in. Dipper looked away.

“What’s with fruit Grunkle Stan?” Dipper asked instead.

“Hm? Oh yeah, I was thinking that since Wendy and I have new diets, you might like one too.” Stan said, before digging into his own meal. Dipper looked at both Wendy and Stan’s plates, and felt nauseous. Maybe Stan had a point.

After lunch, Dipper yawned deeply. He had done nothing but run around and stress since waking up, maybe a nap was in order.

“Hey Deerper, can you get me some of my glitter pens and some paper? A bottle too?” Mabel called, right as Dipper was drifting off.

“Why do you need all that?” He asked groggily. 

“I was gonna send a message to Mermando, he might be able to help me with some stuff.” She shrugged.

“That’s not a bad idea actually, but I’m not sure I can go get it right now, ask Wendy maybe.” He said, settling back down to sleep.

___

Pacifica didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to do and she was scared. She didn’t know what had happened. She didn’t know what had happened and now her parents were statues and her hair was snakes and she didn’t have any legs and she was scared. The servants were scared of her. She was scared of herself. Her hair? hissed in her ears and coiled and moved and she didn’t like it.

That morning she had simply gotten up early and washed her face. Right after that her mother had come into her room in a hurry, and when Pacifica had turned to look at her, she had turned to stone. She had screamed and tried to run and get her father but found she couldn’t, because she had no legs. She had no legs. Her legs had somehow become a long, reptilian tail that went from her waist to long past where her feet would have been. She screamed again, and her father came in, looking for his wife no doubt. And when she looked at him, he turned to stone as well. Her throat hurt.

When the servants came, she didn’t look at them. She only asked that they bring her some sunglasses, ignoring their gasps of horror. It was around then that she noticed her hair, as some of it had tried to lick her face. When she looked in the mirror, she found her entire head was full of bright yellow snakes instead of hair. She wanted to cry. She didn’t. Northwests don’t cry.

She wasn’t the only one. Almost none of their staff was human anymore either. None of them were as horrifying as she was.

Her parents' statues were removed from her room, and relocated into the garden. That was where statues belonged after all. Probably. She really hoped they wouldn’t be mad at her when she reversed this. If she reversed this.

She watched from her window as two people walked up the hill to the gates. At least she assumed they were people, people like her and her staff at any rate. She watched as one of the butlers turned them away. Good. she didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. She didn’t want anyone to know. She didn’t want anyone to know about her and her parents. She didn’t want anyone to know that she didn’t know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello! Thanks for making it this far!  
> Thanks to my wonderful sisters for beta-ing!

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! I finally managed to write this! Big thanks to my sister, who helped write this with me even though she hates the very concept of fanfiction.  
> I am rather new at writing, so I would like some honest opinions.  
> Thanks for reading!


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